Life and Love...

Life and love is always a good topic of discussion. They both are anything but perfect.
We all go to bed at night and pray that as we wake from our long or short slumber that miraculously our lives will be just that... Perfect. Or when we are in search for that someone that we can meet that "Perfect" one.. So much alike in so many ways life and love they can both bring us to our highest and lowest without a thought. Imperfection is in some way a spice to life and love, without it both would be bland in every way. Of course we love the highs but the highs and lows go hand and hand. Love and to be loved in that perfect way is probably the most important thing in may peoples lives but what is "Perfect"... What is perfection to some is flaw for others, so I ask maybe it is not perfection in love people look for but "The One"... That "One " person who fills that perfect image of what perfect love means. Finding that person and then getting it right for oneself that is a whole other issue... No different for life. Life is only as perfect as one allows.. I say that because people tend to see others and base there lives through those eyes. We never know what takes place behind other peoples closed doors. We are able to change our lives and loves even with what we have already. We just need to communicate the need for these changes and act. So we can reach our ideal of Perfection. Life and love are so misunderstood but interesting in every way...

Am I so Ridiculous.....

Am I so ridiculous when I want to spend some time
I would worship you and is that such a crime
Am I asking for to much for a little attention
Just for your touch and small conversation

Am I so ridiculous to want to stare
into your eyes while you give me a glare
I love your your company and the time we spend
but you don't like to, where is my friend

Am I so ridiculous to want to share
the way we use to you were able to bare
you could handle being in my presence sharing a smile
Now you sit far away feels like a mile..

Why is it that you find me so ridiculous I ask
Why do you treat me like such a task
So I sit alone wondering and typing continuous
Am I really so Ridiculous

Commitment.

I went to the the shop today to find the perfect card for the people that mean the world to me besides my husband and children. They have been together 28 years today. I searched and searched and could not find anything that can describe there relationship the way I see it(third party). All I can find were cards that exclaimed praise for a long marriage and funny joke cards that really didn't speak in detail about what I really wanted to say. As a third party eye witness to the time that these two individuals have shared together,really can not be put into words on a hallmark. It is not like they went to a church in front of God and the world and recited vows about there union or went to a justice of the peace and got paperwork stating that they are a legal couple. They met just like any other couple and remained a couple. Of course in 28 years it is not that easy as written "remaining a couple" takes hard work. A lot of blood, sweat and tears goes into putting together a relationship that can last that amount of time. A true commitment. A commitment that can break through different boundaries and survive obstacles that many hoped wouldn't. I wish them this evening and every evening of there glorious lives together that they remain that way. When I mean that way. I don't want them to change anyway that they are but to continue appreciating each other the way they do. To continue waking up at the same time in the morning and taking that first morning stretch knowing in the back of your mind as you take in that morning breath that that persons smell is lingering on you because they are still laying on the other side. Taking that sip of coffee the same way because the other is joining you.
Taking that glance at the cell phone to see the time or is it because you are hoping that at that moment the phone would ring and you could hear that sound that motivates the second part of the day. Don't stop committing to each other that feeling, those actions, the thoughts that have brought you to this point in your lives together. Congratulations to you and all those who are doing it.
D~

Night...

Another eve has come to pass looming over me waiting hungry.
I lie awake wondering why night has not taken me into its slumber.
Night so devilish making its rounds amongst the
owls and the wolves that howl your song.
People lurking and basking in darkness wandering aimless.
Night so sensual ,so satisfying...
Caressing lovers making love taking in the darkness that teases there yearning.
There hunger for intimacy.
Night cradles the babes. I envy so...
Young babes fall deep like the cherubs in clouds.
Night you sweet gentleman or sly fox.
I sit and wait for my turn I lay and wonder.

Almost a year I am still here... Does time heal all wounds?

On November 28th 2007, I sat in my living room adoringly admiring my 2 week old baby girl hoping that this feeling of happiness would never leave my side.When in an instant second in time that happiness turned into shear fright and confusion. I felt some heavy bleeding on my pad (after child birth woman bleed a few weeks) so I adjusted myself in my seat thinking to myself I was probably sitting awkwardly, when I noticed that the bleeding I felt was not just normal , it was extreme. I bled all over my furniture, my living room floor, my bathroom floor, I went into panic mode. I called my husband right away and told him what I was encountering. He told me to remain calm and that he would be home shortly. I kept praying that God would not take my life and leave my children without a mother( at the time ages6,4,2 and the 2 week old). By the time my husband arrived I had soaked 4 towels which were stuck to the floor, by this time I took my pants off and sat on another towel, pamper and a dishtowel which when I stood up my husband could not tell that is what it was. My home look like a murder scene. He gave me a pair of sweat pants and he grabbed my baby and we rushed off to the closest hospital which was 6minutes away.My husband tells me he did not realize how much blood I had actually lost until he went back home an surveyed the damage. He parked the car and walked me and the baby to the emergency room. I began to feel very light headed and could no longer see in front of me and I kept relaying to him my ordeal when all of a sudden I woke up face first in a small pool of blood and in that small pool laid my front tooth. I turned and looked at him and he was pale in the face. He had my daughter in her carrier in one hand and a blank look loomed across his face. I let out a shrieking scream and all who could hear ran into the hallway and put me in a gurney. I could not believe that in a matter of seconds my whole life could change. I spent 4 days in ICU and 5 days in CCU. I received 9 pints of blood,I had a partial hysterectomy and found myself taking blood thinners because of the trauma I received they found a blood clot in my leg. Like I said in the title "Almost a year and I am still here" I am no longer on blood thinners and I am coping with my hysterectomy, i have 4 kids was not done having babies but grateful and happy with my brood now (7,5,3,and 10 months) and are beautiful and healthy.Today I had an implant surgically placed in my gum where I lost my tooth when i collapsed, it hurt like a mofo...LOL Does time heal all wounds??? I am now getting my mouth repaired but my mind and soul have received a trauma that slowly need time to mend. I feel like we are headed in the right direction. This November will be bitter sweet. My daughter will be a year old ( a big girl she is) but as well it will be a time to reflect on how close it came to being the end of my time. If my husband would of been any later, traffic would of been an issue or if I would have never called him I would not be writing this tonight. I am truly grateful for the chance Ive been given. Now that I am healing due to my surgery I am feeling a bit melancholy and the question arose... Does time heal all wounds?? I guess so...

D~

Suenos

Suenos prohibido.
sonanado en ti
me corre la mente
Viendo tu cara
me duele el alma
cuando sera la ultima
Suenos prohibido
no puedo comprender
te pido que me deje
para yo poder
viver mi vida en pas
y tranquilida. Sin....
Suenos de mi amante
Suenos prohibido....

The beginning...

I never thought that I would have started a blog. My mom told me one morning that she started one and I laughed at the thought of my mom (blogging).. Just sounds weird.
One day I found myself with no one to talk to or share my thoughts with so I figured why not.
I can see why she started the blog. My mom doesn't work and spends a lot of time home. A cancer survivor she spent a lot of time at home alone. I thought it was off the wall but I honestly support her blogging 100%. I wish I lived closer so I can actually sit with her and be able to talk to her and share our thoughts over coffee and ha has'. I moved away from her about 13 years ago to improve my life and its a lot better than it was but I still carry those ugly skeletons in my closet. I am hoping with starting a blog I can sort out a lot of things in my life I have not been able to handle or deal with. Maybe even sort out a lot of the craziness in my life right now.

Good Night... Dee~